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How Do We Define and Instill Inner Beauty in Our Daughters

As I watch my 14-year-old daughter navigate the somewhat turbulent new waters of a new social and environmental setting they call “High School”, I am amazed at the paths she is choosing to pilot down. She is coming home virtually nightly eager and chatty with classroom work, new club things from the plethora of clubs she anxiously joined with her friends, and a few words on volleyball interactions.

What I see is an absolutely beautiful young lady exploding in life with a thrill for what the next day may hold for her. And it is in this virtual nightly display that her growing personality is shining through and budding like the buds on a growing oak tree in the spring.

There was a time in my life in my much younger years, such as adolescence, in which beauty to me was very much more external than internal. And as I grew in life and the depth of soul, I began to see and believe internal beauty held much more capacity and greatness than external beauty ever has. And as that knowledge and depth grew in me, so was a business, and other areas in my life in which opportunities to help nourish and grow young people were showing up.

I think about all the young ladies that go through this same time frame in a life journey our daughter Mac is on, and what is happening to them. Who is coaching them? How are they coaching them? Are there intentional conversations with them to build and grow their inner self-worth? Conversations to grow their inner self-confidence? Conversations to preach being kinder than necessary even when the “mean girls” are mean to them? Conversations on how their attitude is a choice and we don’t tolerate bad attitudes or eye rolls? Conversations on boundaries in relationships, and having sex to have sex out of curiosity or because a boy wants to is beyond their mental and emotional capacity? And are there deep intentional conversations on what creates inner beauty because massive incredible inner beauty is much more noble and contagious than simple external beauty even though the social media work and the entire world have focused on external beauty.

For a 14-year-old girl though, inner beauty doesn’t matter to virtually all 14-year-old boys. Which is ok, that is normal. I was there! This is normal! Good young man, this too shall pass, for them. But that doesn’t mean we don’t apply massive focus there to all 14-year-olds, and what matters. Inner beauty of great humility with solid confidence, a kindness above all meanness, a genuine care above grabbing attention, a daily tremendous attitude greater than the choice of eye rolls, and a heart for leaning into their faith asking for daily guidance, wisdom, teachers to push them, and friends/teachers/coaches/parents to nurture and grow them.

External beauty will fade while internal beauty is undoubtedly contagious and infinitely attractive. Even though the world of media and social media isn’t teaching this, isn’t this the goal? This is why we all must be more diligent than ever about those intentional conversations with all our kids about just what exactly creates an undoubtedly contagious and infinitely attractive inner beauty! Keep growing your internal beauty, Mac! We are going to keep challenging you to do so!


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