Sometimes You Just Need Your Mom
This has just been “one of those weeks”. I consider myself to be an upbeat person, but some weeks are just hard, and this has been one of them. Nothing major happened, just a lot of small challenges seemed to keep rolling in. There were roadblocks with getting Nash’s wheelchair fixed, there were scheduling issues with appointments, there were a lot of moments where it felt like those around me fell short of offering grace and gratitude (I probably did at times also), I didn’t begin to accomplish everything I needed to at work, the kids faced some challenges in some difficult classes, another year of basketball started without Nash on the court…my heart was just hurting, A LOT. I try so hard to find the blessings in every day but this past week I felt like I was failing. The journey we are on is long and hard and while the outside world mostly sees this strong family that is persevering, this week I felt like I was crumbling inside. I couldn’t explain it, nor did I try, I just let my feelings roll and I fought back tears most of the week. As I smiled and told people I was “great”, I wanted to scream from the rooftop, “THIS IS UNFAIR! THIS IS ALL UNFAIR!”. I just settled down into my internal pity party and battled through…until Thursday. On Thursday I couldn’t handle it anymore so I sent out the SOS to my mom and asked if she would come to visit for the weekend. I told her that I was missing her extra and could sure use a hug. As mom’s usually do, she said she would be here when I got off work on Friday and I am anxiously waiting to get home and get that hug.
It took me four days to send that message when I knew Monday, I could feel myself starting to drown. WHY?? Why was I so stubborn that I couldn’t just call her Monday and ask her to come see me? Because I didn’t want to admit that I was weak. Because I didn’t want to admit that the weight of this journey feels like it’s too much for my heart sometimes. Because I didn’t want to face the fact that sometimes even the strongest people just can’t handle the burden without a moment to break down. It’s my job as Nash and Mac’s mom to be strong – my burden doesn’t hold a candle to what those two have faced over the past couple of years and yet I was the one drowning in my emotions – how could I not just pull it together and move on?? But I couldn’t, so I called my mom.
Maybe you have been in my shoes? Maybe you have had a day or a week or even a month when your world just feels too heavy. If you haven’t yet, you probably will, and I am here to tell you that it’s ok. Regardless of our perception of others, we all have days that are just too heavy for our hearts. When that wave hits you, send the SOS, call your mom or your friend or your preacher or whoever your “person” is and ask for that hug! That’s what your tribe is for – to send the life rope out on the days that you feel like you are swimming all alone in an ocean too big for you to handle! Who knows, maybe they need it just as bad as you do! It shouldn’t have taken me 43 years to realize that I don’t have to be brave and courageous in every moment of every day…and that sometimes a girl just needs her mom, and that’s ok!
- Karen Lindberg