STRONGER by Karen Lindberg

Maybe it’s because we are in the thick of student athletics, maybe it’s because we have traveled a road of watching our son face extreme adversity or maybe it’s just because sometimes my mama heart feels too much pain for my children, but I have heard time and time again, “He/She will be so much stronger because of this!” when things go wrong…and those words send a twinge through my soul from time to time.  Do I disagree with that statement?  Not fundamentally, I suppose, because I do think there is most likely a cause-and-effect relationship between adversity and resilience, but I think sometimes we don’t see the true connection between adversity and resilience. 

Do I believe that adversity gives us a front row seat to witness who we truly are?  Absolutely!  Do I believe that our son being shot and paralyzed made him “stronger”?  No.  Do I believe that our daughter not making the volleyball team when she so desperately wanted to be part of it made her “stronger”?  No.  Do I believe that a child losing a parent far too early in life made them “stronger”?  No.  Do I believe that unkindness on a friendship level makes our kids “stronger”?  No.  I could go on for days with examples of life events that were a difficult road for our kids, that I don’t believe made them any stronger of a person than they already were.  Many of these events have the potential to destroy people; they rip hearts out, they break down confidence, and they push people to the edge of what they think they are emotionally capable of.  I don’t think that these events alone make anyone stronger.  What I do believe makes people stronger is the support system that joins in the battle with them.  What makes them stronger is the next coach who celebrates their success in a newfound sport.  What makes them stronger is the community and family that surround them as they mourn the tragedy that they have experienced.  What makes them stronger is the parents who hug them and reassure them that their worth never existed solely in whatever they have lost.  What makes them stronger is the ability to find greatness within themselves after the unthinkable. 

Adversity is something that everyone will face at some point – some on a larger scale and some on a smaller scale.  Adversity can be brutal.  Adversity can steal the inner parts of your being and allow the devil to whisper lies in your ear.  Adversity can break down even the toughest foundations. But it’s not the adversity that will rebuild you, it’s the subsequent actions of yourself and those around you that will determine your true strength. 

Not all adversities are meant to make you stronger – some are meant to make you kinder, more empathetic, more patient, more loving, and possibly just a better human.  Adversity can be a beautiful thing, if you allow it, but I believe in my whole heart that sometimes those life events take more than they give, and that’s where the rest of us come into play…to love, to give confidence, to listen, to hug, and to help rebuild.  So, who can you help rebuild today that’s walking a road of adversity?  They may need your strength because they simply may not have it….yet!  Here’s to growth that can take place and who you become on the other side of adversity, because I believe you may not be stronger, but you will certainly never be the person that you were before…you may just be a better version of yourself!