I Never Knew Her Burden (by Karen Lindberg)

I never knew her burden…and I never asked…

For the past five and a half years, my son and I have spent an hour at physical therapy, five days a week, as he has battled to learn how to walk again after being shot and paralyzed.  Luckily, his physical therapist also happens to be one of my best friends and a second mom to our son.   I have always thought that God sent her for a huge purpose long before we ever knew. 

Physical therapy is extremely hard work but the connection that we all have certainly adds an element of joy to our daily trips there.  If I am being honest, our son is 18 now and doesn’t need me to go along anymore but I have always felt like we started this journey together and we would see it through together.  I never wanted him to feel like he had to walk a single step of this journey alone so that’s what we have done – we have traveled the road as a family – so every morning at 8:00 am we start the day with our friend at PT.  In the midst of the grind day in and day out, we laugh, we joke, we talk about everything under the sun and we find joy in all that we can while we are there.  The other day we were having a conversation and our son asked Jayme, his PT, if she was nervous when he came for the first time.  Her face changed as she looked at him and she said, “Nash, I was scared for the first two years.”  Naturally, we laughed…but when I got in my car, I cried as I thought about that.

Before our son came home from inpatient rehabilitation, I visited with Jayme and told her that if he never walked again, that wasn’t her burden and we would never blame her for that.  I needed her to know that our friendship would never change, even if Nash never was able to take another step.  I thought that was well with her soul.  But her face that morning told another story.  She carried a heavy, heavy burden as she has rehabilitated a young man that is like a son to her.  What was worse was that I never realized that.  For the past five and a half years, I have cried on her shoulder, leaned on her for strength, trusted her with the darkest parts of my heart…but I don’t think I have ever stopped and asked her if she was ok. 

I was so caught up in my own grief and sadness that I wasn’t thinking about the enormity of this for her.  She was the person who God sent to carry out Nash’s miracle journey right along side him.  I am sure at times that has felt like an honor, but I would also imagine that there were nights she didn’t sleep, and times that she questioned her abilities and days that she wondered why this was the calling for her.  She may have even begged God to send someone else.  And I never knew…because I never asked.    

Jayme and I have a deep love for each other, and I know that she doesn’t resent me for my lack of empathy towards her.  She knows where my heart has sat and that I am grateful for every moment that she has poured into our family.  She knows my intentions were never to be selfish…but it certainly made me spend some time in self-reflection as I drove to work that day. 

I never asked.  All I had to do was ask.  I am not one for spending time looking in the rear-view mirror, the good stuff is ahead of us, not behind us, so I will not spend time with regret, but I do hope that she will always know she was never alone in her side of the journey.  I hope that she will always know that we trusted her and believed in her.  And most importantly, I hope she knows how sorry I am that I never saw her burden because I was so buried in my own.

So today I ask you to look at the tribe next to you.  Who is feeling your burden right alongside you?  Do you recognize that they are sharing it with you?  If not, take a moment to ask them…their weight may be more than you realize.  You can’t take their weight, but if you share it together, it may lessen the load for both of you.  Here’s to asking…and to forgiveness when we don’t!  Whatever your burden may be, I am praying for you!