Why? Just Tell Me Why!
I have a few very special people in my life going through some really tough stuff right now – either with their family or with themselves. They are immersed in the kind of battles that always lead you to the question of “WHY???” One of them text me the other day and said she had been crying out to God and just asking, “Why? Please show us why!” Those words blasted through my heart. Those words carry the kind of pain that you can’t begin to understand unless you have been in a moment where you cried that out, desperate for answers, desperate for healing, desperate for comfort, desperate for a different path, desperate for mercy, desperate for anything other than what you are facing…oh how those words hit me to my core! I have cried those desperate words in hospital corners, in my car, quietly in my heart, and out loud to the people closest to me. “WHY??? JUST TELL ME WHY!”
Unfortunately, I have come to believe that this question isn’t one to be answered – at least not in the moment when we are grasping for the answer, and do you know why I think that is? If we knew the answer to this question, where would faith come into play? If we knew why certain things happened to us or what the purpose was would we lean on faith the same way that we do without knowing? Faith is what pushes us to continue down the path, blindly believing that better days are ahead, regardless of how bleak or difficult our situation is. Faith is what helps us search for light in the dark and hope when all hope is lost. Faith is what makes us keep working to reach our goals, even when the odds are stacked against us. Faith keeps us pushing for the answer to the unanswered question – WHY? It’s what keeps us moving in the face of adversity!
A few weeks ago, we took Nash for a trial of some medical equipment that we hoped would help him walk. Not only did the equipment not work the way we had hoped but the gentlemen that helped us said some words that were extremely damaging to Nash’s confidence. This gentleman didn’t intend to break Nash’s spirit, but unfortunately, it did. It was a tough day. We left the appointment very defeated, and I felt personally responsible because I had seen this particular equipment and pushed for the trial. I just KNEW this was the secret weapon we were looking for and so I pushed to get the appointment to the point of exhaustion. As I drove home with a broken young man in the backseat, tears rolled down my face as I asked God, “Why? Why did it have to go that way? Why can’t it just work and something be easy for him? Why would someone that knows nothing about our journey rip hope out from under us?” I knew the answer wouldn’t just surface but I kept asking it anyway. Once we got home, we met with Nash’s PT, had a big cry and a big pep talk and decided that regardless of what we had been hit with, we would forge forward – we would not back down and we would not change what we knew was true. The next day at PT I saw a fire inside of Nash that I hadn’t seen in quite a while. Nash loudly announced that he intended to prove that guy wrong! Nash had a renewed sense of power and was ready to face his Goliath head on! Over the past three weeks, Nash has moved incredible mountains in his quest to walk again and I truly believe it was largely in part to that difficult appointment. Today as I drove to work, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that not understanding why that happened pushed Nash to do all he could to alter his outcome. He had FAITH! In that moment, faith is what kept our hope alive. I now believe I know the “why” – it happened in order to help us reach our goals, but the lack of clarity is what forced us to battle ahead. That appointment was never about medical equipment, it was about renewing Nash for battle!
I have come to understand that sometimes the answer to “why” is more about the process than it is about truly knowing the answer. The answer may not be clear today, tomorrow, or possibly ever in this earthly life, but I do believe the faith that we build while asking is enough to carry us through whatever Goliath we may be battling. I pray that next time you are faced with a heartbreaking “why” you will dig deep in your faith, forge ahead and blindly trust faith – knowing that God’s got your back, even if you don’t know the reason!